The Moment We Stop Abandoning Ourselves
We spend so much of our lives waiting to be chosen—by jobs, partners, friends, and even strangers online. From the time we’re young, we’re taught to shape ourselves for approval, to be agreeable, and to fit the mold others set for us. But in doing so, we slowly lose touch with who we really are. Choosing yourself is not selfish—it’s essential. Here’s why it’s time we stop chasing validation and start living from self-respect.
For much of our lives, we are taught—subtly or directly—to live in a way that earns us a place in someone else’s world.
We learn to be chosen: for jobs, relationships, friendships, even by strangers on social media.
It often starts early. In school, we’re taught to be good girls—to get good grades, wear skirts, keep our hair long, and stay quiet. Loud is labeled bad manners. Assertiveness is mistaken for disrespect. We are praised for being agreeable, tidy, and pleasant.
As we grow, the rules shift, but the message stays the same. We are told to be good partners, marry young, have children, and keep the household running. We’re encouraged to “lean into our feminine energy” in ways that please others, while hiding our anger, grief, or complexity.
In the workforce, the mask changes shape again. We learn to filter ourselves—especially online—because one wrong word could cost us our jobs or our reputation. We edit, polish, and censor our thoughts, just to be safe. We become chameleons, adapting to whoever is in front of us, until we’re not quite sure who we really are anymore.
Social media only amplifies this pattern. Our worth starts to feel tied to likes, comments, and approval. We post for validation, then stop posting when that validation doesn’t come. Without realizing it, we become dependent on being chosen.
Here’s the truth no one wants to admit: no matter how hard we try, we will never please everyone. To some, we’ll always be too much; to others, not enough. There will always be someone who disapproves.
And every time we wait for someone else to choose us, we abandon ourselves a little more. Until, eventually, we reach a point where we’ve lost so much of who we are that something has to change.
Choosing ourselves starts with peeling back the layers of conditioning. It means asking, Does this choice give me energy or drain me? If it depletes us, it doesn’t belong. It means speaking honestly, keeping our word, and standing up again when life knocks us down—not because someone is watching, but because we owe it to ourselves.
When we choose ourselves, we stop chasing approval and start living from a place of self-respect. We stop performing and start existing. We become our own source of love, trust, and belonging.
We choose us—every day, in every small action.
And in that choice, we come home to who we’ve been all along.
Love,
Nellya
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